Whaur’s Logan, Part 1: Napoleon the Heartbreaker

(For an explanation of “Whaur’s Logan?”, see my introductory post.)

I set off from Constellation Books with fierce hope in my heart (and some lovely ice cream at the Cow). With no idea where to start, I decided to think like Logan and ask myself the question, “What’s cool around here?”

In Reisterstown proper, not much is cool, but for the Cow:

But nearby is a Maryland Air National Guard base, Camp Fretterd («that’s not a typo of “Frettered,” which seems as if it should be a word). Research soon taught me that this base is located on property known as Montrose Mansion, once owned by Jerome Bonaparte, younger brother to none other than Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte himself.

Jerome married a local girl, Elizabeth Patterson, whose father owned the property. All seemed well, until….

Napoleon—yes, that Napoleon—was quite pissed off about his brother’s marriage. The bastard declared the marriage contract void, though he’d no legal right to do so, since they were married in Maryland (by none other than Bishop John Carroll, who now has a county named after him where the Woman Upstairs lives).

As a consolation prize, Napoleon offered to make Jerome the King of Westphalia. Jerome thought this a smashing bargain and returned to Europe, where he acquired a fresh new bride and an army with delightful headgear:

Meanwhile, back in Maryland, Elizabeth filed for divorce on grounds of her husband being a complete bawbag.

A theory forming in my mind, I decided to visit Montrose Mansion. The moment I set foot on the grounds of this historical site, the world around me turned grey:

It was then I heard Logan’s voice through an open window. He wasn’t calling for help—he was…singing. A song of heartbreak and recovery, a song of defiance:

Was he singing for Elizabeth, whose husband left her for a kingdom? And for Abraham Reister, whose bride jilted him at the altar, causing him to hang himself in heartbreak (and apparently create the vortex that consumed Logan in the first place)?

It was then I knew: these two stories, with so much in common, could only mean one thing: Logan is travelling some sort of trail of broken hearts. Perhaps led by Abraham, or perhaps alone. Perhaps intending to mend those broken hearts with song.

I ran for the mansion’s front door, pulled it open, and saw…

…and saw…

…where I knew I must follow.

Continue to Part Two.

Posted by: Zachary

Photo credits:

Cow: Marc Shapiro

Napoleon bikeshot: Uncyclopedia

Westphalian soldiers: The Napoleon Series

Montrose Mansion: Maryland Historical Trust

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